- Stop sending money and stop communicating; a convincing explanation does not make an urgent payment safe.
- Call the company that moved the money immediately and ask for a reversal, recall, or refund before tracing the scammer yourself.
- Save evidence and report the fraud, but do not pay a stranger who promises to recover the money.
The first hour matters more than the explanation
Romance scams use a real emotional connection to make an urgent request look like a crisis: travel, medical care, an account problem, a business emergency, or a temporary loan. The scam often moves from a dating or social platform to private messages quickly, then asks for a payment method that is difficult to reverse.
If you have sent money, the next action is not to negotiate, investigate, or send a final payment. It is to stop contact and call the company that moved the money. The FTC specifically advises contacting the bank or payment company right away and asking for a refund.
Use this response sequence
- Then
- Contact the card issuer, bank, wire company, payment app, gift-card company, or crypto company.
- Do not do this
- Do not send a “fee” to unlock a refund.
- Then
- Report the profile to the dating or social platform and file a report at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
- Do not do this
- Do not keep the conversation open to get an apology or explanation.
- Then
- Consider a credit freeze if identity information was exposed.
- Do not do this
- Do not trust a stranger who contacts you offering recovery.
The right call depends on how you paid, but the rule is the same
For a wire transfer, contact your bank's wire department right away and ask them to recall it (try to pull the money back before it's picked up). For a card or payment app, tell the provider the payment went to a scammer and ask what your options are to dispute it or get it reversed. For gift cards, contact the company that issued the card. For cryptocurrency, report the transaction to the exchange or app you used, but be realistic: crypto transfers can be very hard, or impossible, to reverse.
None of those steps guarantees you'll get the money back. They're still the right first moves, because waiting only gives the money more time to move further out of reach.
Anyone who contacts you first, claims to know where your money went, and asks for an upfront fee or payment in cryptocurrency is asking you to take another high-risk step. Use official reporting channels and your existing financial institutions instead.
Preserve dignity as well as evidence
People who experience a romance scam often delay action because they fear judgment. The scammer designed the relationship and urgency to bypass normal caution; reporting quickly is more useful than proving you should have known better. Tell one trusted person who can help you make the calls and keep you from responding under pressure.
Sources
- FTC: What to know about romance scams, accessed September 23, 2026.
- CFPB: common fraud and scam warning signs, accessed September 23, 2026.
- This is educational information, not legal, forensic, or financial advice for a specific loss.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Jay Rege is Head of Research at SwitchWize, with more than 20 years of experience in retail banking, including roles at SunTrust Bank and First Republic Bank. He writes on deposit accounts, retail banking products, and what they mean for everyday savers.
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research@switchwize.com